INKED!

It was almost a year ago when I mastered the courage to get a tattoo. A friend who has one tried to talk me out of it.  Being stubborn that I am, she actually gave in and just told me this, "Dapat kung magpa-tat ka, yung design may kabuluhan. Para pag nagtanong ang magiging anak mo balang araw, may lalim din ang explanation mo."

And it took me few weeks to think things over. Design, font style, size, site. Finally, THE night came. It was also after AM duty (just like when I had my belly pierced). The tattoo artist assessed my readiness as well. Ha! My exact thought then was today's pabebe girls' *walang makakapigil saken*

With few bottles of beer prior to the session (which the tat artist also suggested), I had this.

Nothing intricate, really. Just that. I AM BECAUSE WE ARE.

A philosophical view para pa-deep.

A constant reminder to be human.To be kind. Because we are not who we are today if not because of them (insert everyone you can think of here) yesterday.

Araw-araw na solid batok to be someone I am not.

YUN YUN EH.

Lady (BARELY) Stoneheart

Bajao kids handing jeepney  passengers envelopes for coins while singing?
Or maybe the children with rags who would insist on "cleaning" your shoes?
Adults claiming there's death in their families showing death certificates as proof in any public transportation?



Call me whatever you want but I don't buy any of it.
Or maybe I do but I just don't care. That sounds worse. Nah, that is worse!



I find myself more concerned with stray dogs wimping because of injured feet.
My heart swells to anything but less likely to human race.



Dark.
Stone cold.

Violent Tendencies

We all have strange dreams. I just had two consecutive dreams on that same day that I was killing someone. 

It was vivid. It's like I was there. I felt the knife piercing through the skin of the guy I was stabbing. It felt strangely satisfying (now, that's really scary) and at the same time frustrating because he was not bleeding profusely as I stab him around 13-15 times if I remember it correctly. I can recall how I went for his jugular and his throat and his chest and the rest of the torso. It seems that I want more bloody crime scene. Shyet ang abnormal ko diba.

I can't remember any details of the second killing spree dream except that it was also about murder. And that I was the one responsible, too.

Dreams are safe space as Google says. 

Also, such murder dreams might signify my own walking-life issues. I guess my introvert self who's trying to seal her aggression is kicking in through these dreams. And I remember, I had to suppress myself from beasting out these past couple of days. Re:  brother, area supervisor, work.

Or it could just be too much reading murder novels and watching that hunk Arrow vigilante who kills with a purpose.

Funny.

What's funnier is I revived this blog (which happened to hibernate for two years) thru my killings. 

And the self is now I.